I’ve been in a blogging funk lately….

I have turned the corner in toddlerville, and the street seems fairly quiet and uneventful.  Sure there are some really nasty dogs a few houses down, and they tend to rear their head ever so often to remind me not to get too cozy.  We went to the zoo today and he was a perfect little doll.  Then tonight we went out to dinner and not only did he refuse to eat a single bite- but he blew raspberries for 45 minutes straight.  Thus is the life of a toddler….

So I haven’t had much to blog about.

Then there is the personal drama that goes along with running a playgroup.  I always thought the whole point of playgroups was to find a group of friends that you click with and want to spend time with, and then do just that.  Your kids become friends, you become friends….at least that was the point for me.  But we have been zinged as of late for forming cliques.  For forming friendships, and finding others to hang out with?

And who knew that women were so catty? (insert laughter track here)  When 2 guys get upset with each other, one of them punches the other in the face and they are best friends again.  When women fight, they remain close friends, when suddenly one of them blows up and disowns the other for something that they said 6 months ago.

How do you compete with that?  Does someone have a manual on how to deal with a group of women in a civilized manner?  Cause I am PMS’ing and this close to jumping down someones throat!

We have been going to playgroups since early on, so SUB is always around other kids. The past month or so, he has learned to give kisses. Which pretty much means that he will open his mouth and slime you. I don’t think he is being aggressive and he isn’t biting. And he will often do it when another baby is crying or sad- so he is trying to be sweet and show empathy.

The problem is- he kisses everyone! Boys, girls…whatever. Anyone that will stand still long enough is getting sugar. And of course- the baby on the receiving end is usually not very happy about the situation.

And I am on the fence about what to do- on the one hand, I don’t want to stop him for trying to be sweet and love on other kids, cause I don’t think that is a bad trait to have. But on the other, I am not sure how others appreciate my son trying to make out with their kids.

So my question is what would you do? Would you try to make him stop? Or just let him love up on the other kids?

I keep watching the walking video over and over again. Partly because it’s cute as hell, and partly because I think there is something deeper going on. In the beginning, he is about to cry. You can see the look of "Oh Crap" come over his face as he is faced with something new. Should he try to walk or should he get down on his knees and start crawling? He has fallen before, so why was this time any different? Once he decides to give it a shot- there is a moment of excitement. Like "Wow! I am really doing this!" then it quickly turns to joy. He is walking- all by himself- and it is really fun!

Then the old saying "Baby Steps" comes to mind. When faced with something major, you are told to just take it one step at a time or to take "Baby Steps." And life really does work out much the same way.

I remember when I first thought about working from home. I was afraid- afraid of failing, afraid of not finding work, afraid of letting everyone down. I worried that I would end up in the unemployment line because I couldn’t make it work. But I gave it a shot. Why? Who knows what drives us to finally get up and make a change- maybe you are thrown into the situation, maybe you get a burst of confidence, or maybe you are just hard headed? But I did it- and for months I was amazed that people were paying me. Paying me to write, paying me to tinker around in photoshop….this is awesome! 2 years later, I can honestly say that I enjoy what I do. Most of the stuff I do is fun for me. If it’s not fun, I tend to not do it…..

Or what about parenthood? I was so excited to be a mom, but at the same time I was totally freaked out by the sheer thought. Here was this tiny little person that needed me for everything. If I screwed up- that was it. But, around month 3, I got into the swing of things. It was no longer a constant struggle just to maintain the status quo. Not only was I able to keep the boy clean, fed, happy, and alive, but I was even able to squeeze in a shower and cook dinner. I was freakin Super-Mommy! And now….being a mommy is really fun. I love watching him explore the world and learn new things, and is there really anything better in the world than a baby giggle? I think not.

And the list goes on….

A friend of mine just recently enrolled in a college program. She is worried about being able to juggle her daughter and her schoolwork. She is worried about being able to make it through- but she took the leap. She started the classes- and I know 6 months from now, when she is in a groove she will be happy that she took the leap. And a few years from now- she will be loving her new career.

I know a big leap of faith for me was joining the "Mommy sorority" As you all know, I am a playgroup junkie (and I have the t-shirt to prove it) but I was really apprehensive in the beginning about joining a playgroup. I have never been a "girly" girl. I never had a ton of girlfriends in high school or college- I just never really fit in. So I was worried about making friends. "Momma Drama" was a very new thing for me. I wasn’t really prepared for the 360 degrees of crazy that comes with parenting. Anyone can spit a kid out- and everyone thinks that their way is the right way. And in reality- it may just be. Every kid is different, every family is different, so to each is own. I try to have an open mind, but I do get caught up in the "Momma Drama" at time….especially when my damn soap opera has been off the air all week because of the ice coverage! Despite my apprehension, I started going to playgroups. And after a while- I became hooked. I won’t say that we all clicked right away, but we were socializing and we were getting out of the house, which was important. Now, six months later. I love playgroups- I have so much fun. There are some moms that I naturally click with more than others, and we still have our share of crazy. But that is half the fun…. 

I guess my point is- everything in life ends up being scary at first. But if it’s the right thing for you- and you know in your heart that it is. It works itself out- and you may just end up having fun after a while. Every step that we take, leads us to another.

As I was driving a friend home today from playgroup, we were having our usual dose of "Momma drama." A little bit of she said what? No Way! Kinda thing…it’s all in good fun, and there are only one or two people that I really feel comfortable enough with to share the juiciest tidbits. After I dropped her off, I ended up being stuck in traffic for almost an hour, so I was alone with my own thoughts (courtesy of a sleeping baby). I know that I am extremely blessed to have what I have in life.

I have A husband that would do whatever it takes to make us happy.  He works his fingers to the bone and still has time to eat dinner with us every night and tuck the baby into bed.  He is my best friend.  I am also blessed with some great friends- there are only one or two that I really connect with (but how many do you really need?) They are great moms, and seem to be on the same planet as I am. (Which is an amazing feat!) And I really enjoy their company. I have a job that I love, and pays me enough to stay home with SUB. And of course- there is my baby. Who is truly the light of my life. When he smiles nothing else matters- and luckily I get that smile 1,000 times a day.

The road to get to this point, wasn’t a straight one. There were choices and decisions that scared the crap out of me at the time, but it brought us here. And I am having a blast!

So Baby Steps Rock!

Lately I have been bitten by the comparision bug.   I am around a large group of other moms and kids, and I think that it is human nature to compare yourself and your kids to those around you.  I know it’s wrong, but yet I find myself thinking about it time and time again.  The very idea of it, seems to consume a great deal of my thoughts these days.

At first, it was comparing myself to other moms.  I am amazed at how put together some of these moms are.  They all look great in their non-mom jeans, and always have their hair up in some cute way that I could never actually pull off myself. without looking like a complete spaz  I really consider it a good day if I was able to squeeze in a shower- Spitup boy is 8 months old, and I still have to try to find time to brush my teeth everyday, and I don’t anticipate it getting any easier for the near future.  So when another mom has their nails done, makeup on, or their hair fixed- I am in awe.  I wonder what it would be like to get a manicure, or go shopping for something that wouldn’t just be covered in Spitup within minutes….I get green with envy just thinking about it.  And boy how I can’t wait for this dumb mom hair cut to grow out already…

But then I stop myself.  In reality, even if I did have the spare time for a manicure, I still wouldn’t get one.  It would slow down my typing, and I would much rather spend that time blogging or working on my computer being a geek.  It’s just who I am.  I don’t even know the slightest thing about how to fix hair- its either short or in a ponytail.  And if I was shopping, I would prob be sitting at home bidding on stuff off of E-bay anyway.  I just have to come to terms with the fact, that I will never be one of those "Hot Moms"…or even "Cool Mom." Instead I hold the title "Work at Home Mom" which to me is a pretty cool thing….I am always a little bit off-kilter, a little weird, a little loud, or a little crazy.  I carry a jump drive on my keychain…That’s what makes me…me….

And then I wonder- do the "Hot Moms" even know that they are hot?  Or do they agonize over losing those last 5 pounds of baby weight?  Maybe everyone is insecure about their appearance, and they just hide it better than others…maybe I am totally off base here…either way, I have come to terms with the fact that comparing is a very dangerous thing…

But even if I stop comparing the size of my butt with those of the other moms, there is still the matter of baby comparing.  This one is a hard one to overcome! Spitup boy is in the 50th percentile for weight and height, which means that he is right in the middle of all the other kids his age.  He weighs 20 lbs and is about 28 inches tall or so.  To me he is adorable- he has chubby little thighs and a round little tummy and is perfectly proportioned. 

Not like one of those kids that has a huge head and a little body or something…or one of those kids where everyone says "Bless his heart."  Which is code for- "Oh what an ugly baby you have…."

He is a mover and a shaker- and is into everything so I am sure that he would be heavier if he ever stopped moving.  But then I sit him next to some other kids in playgroup, and they are all so much bigger than him.  Taller, heavier, etc…and then I get comments from people at the grocery store. 

"Oh- my!  He is 8 months old?  He is so tiny, my son was like 30 pounds when he was that age…."

Which frustrates the piss out of me!  Especially because when he was smaller, I got the fat kid comments all the time.  He doubled his birth weight by 3 months- when his reflux was at his worst.  So I really can’t win- he is either too fat or two skinny…..

I guess the solution would be to wear earplugs when shopping….and just try to stop thinking about it at playgroup.  Because it really is a never ending comparision- what foods are they eating?  are they self feeding yet? walking? crawling? pulling up?…yada yada yada….There will always be bigger kids, there will always be someone that is more advanced….

But to me he is perfect and beautiful- and I get told all the time that he looks just like me…so I guess if you want to get technical that makes me perfect and beautiful too….